I’m penning this letter because I (we?) are getting married in six months! Remember extra-tall Jordan from high school? He gave us piggyback rides in summer school and we played spades a lot? Welp, we’ve gone from being good friends to being happily engaged. While this is good news in and of itself, it gets better: we’re both baptized and living for God! Considering how toxic your previous relationships were, it’s refreshing to be in one that is easy and drama free.
Wedding planning is fun (and yes, girl, the dress is fierce!) but we’re focused more on the marriage than the wedding. To that end, we’re reading the Bible, seeking pre-marital counseling, and talking to other Christ-centered couples. There are so many bad examples of marriages (wait until you hear about the Kim Kardashian debacle) but Ephesians 5:22-33 gives Christian couples instruction on their roles in matrimony. Marriage isn’t built solely on attraction or romantic love but on treating your significant other how Christ treats you daily: with forgiveness, patience, selflessness, and loving kindness.
One of the biggest things that you’ll struggle with is submission. I know, I know. You’re way too mouthy and willful (sorry, not sorry) to consider submitting. Realest of talks, though? I think submission gets a bad rep. The Bible doesn’t say “Okay, ladies, y’all are married and now hubby is the boss; kiss your happiness goodbye!” It says to submit to your husband as the head and for him to love you as Christ loves the church. I know you don’t know this yet, but Christ’s love for the church is deeper than you could ever imagine so this isn’t a light order.
Don’t think submission makes you a sucka, though. It’s harder not to pop off at the mouth when you’re tight. Your strength will be in your ability to always speak lovingly to the boo, especially when you’re upset. Desiring to be right more than you desire peace will cause problems; guaranteed. Respecting him at all times, accepting he has your best interest at heart, praying for him daily, letting him be the head of household, and forgiving him when he makes mistakes are some examples of ways you’ll submit in the marriage. Submission isn’t conditional, either. You can’t only submit when things are easy and your cooperation shouldn’t be predicated on whether he earns more than you or showers you with gifts. Submitting to Jordan’s authority is a commitment in your marriage that you’ll enact daily. It honors him and God.
If your face is still screwed up, consider this: Jordan submits, too! He is as subject to Christ as we are to him. As the head of household, he is responsible to God for the family’s salvation and welfare. Jordan’s submission to God’s authority is as integral to a successful union as yours is to him. The same way you will accept Christ as your Lord and Savior, you’ll accept Jordan as your husband. God didn’t force His way into your heart just as Jordan won’t force you to the altar; it’s all about choice.
Despite what the media tells you, marriage isn’t about your happiness; it’s about growing you as a Christian, dying to yourself daily, and learning how to serve. This doesn’t imply that you’ll be Jordan’s servant, waiting on him hand and foot. It’s more of you putting yourself second and putting him first, just like he’ll do for you.
I hope all of this makes sense and I can’t wait for you to sit where I am today!